Letting go

Far too long, I’ve held on
Far too many welts weathered
But it seems that you’re gone
With only a fool’s chance of return

Yet I’ve played the fool willingly
And for a fool I’ve been taken
The years don’t matter now though
I know when I’m forsaken

So long, so long…
It is time for me to move on
The door might still be off the latch
But no more do I hold it open

I’m letting go,
I’m letting go,
I’m letting go…

– Raziel ©2017

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Lost Dreams

To all my dreams, that I’ve let go
Do not fret, there’s still time
You’ll be fulfilled, that’s your destiny
That we part ways, is mine

Someone somewhere will dream again
Someone luckier than I
You’ll live again, become their smile
Someone more deserving than I

– Raziel ©2017

Loneliness

I’d rather be alone
In the midst of noise,
Than be with myself in silence

Too many thoughts
And questions abound,
Eat away at my conscience

So many what ifs
Accusations, and incriminations,
Take my soul to task

So much guilt
So many mistakes,
Abrade at my mask

I’m petrified of being alone
Lest cracks begin to show,
And they see me for who I am
A charlatan, a fraud…

– Raziel ©2017

In response to Daily Prompt

The usual

A smile can come from many a path
A letter, a call, a news
But a tear always takes the same road
It’s always The usual…

No matter how many years go by
Nor what elation I can’t contain
If one thing can steal my smile
It’s always The usual…

I may have come so very far
Grown in spirit and resolve
But any might I weild will always yield
My Achilles heel, The usual…

– Raziel ©2017

A life less ordinary

I wished for a life less ordinary
Never thought it’d be the very opposite of lairy

A twelfth of my life is commute
Rest is in free fall, sans a chute

I trudge back and forth each day
To sit at a desk and wither away

24 are the hours God gave us all
But here, even 48 of those seem small

Mails upon mails burst into view
Like a postmaster for who hell’s due

The more you do, more comes your way
If only this mailbox I could spay

Work is filling numbers into little cells
Tabulate! Tabulate to the last knell…

– Raziel ©2017

Bleed

What shall I bleed today?

Some hope?
So I may accept a little more,
That this is all life’s going to be

Some trust?
So I may accept a little more,
That no hands will break my fall

Some faith?
So I may accept a little more,
That no savior rides to my aid

Or

Some cyniscm?
So I may accept a little more,
That even the darkest horizon births a sun

Some fear?
So I may accept a little more,
That I’m not all alone

Some perfidy?
So that I may accept a little more,
That even I am not denied salvation

So then,
What shall I bleed today?

– Raziel ©2017

Someone

Is there anyone there,
Anyone listening?
Someone that can stand this silence,
Its merciless violence

Someone to be with, to just be
As though they didn’t exist, nor I
Just a semblance of existence
Enough only to define itself a lie

An island of nothingness
A tiny void of reprieve
From a sea of churning time
A few moments lent to thieve

Peace, as it could be
Undiluted, unencumbered, unmaligned
A space outside time’s grasp
A forever, a destination, a home…

– Raziel ©2017

Revenge

He swiped his card and walked through the flap barrier. The weight of his bag slung sloppily on his shoulder felt heavier than usual. He was tired, and he knew what it was that was weighing on his mind.
He looked left and saw familiar faces seated in the lobby, chatting animatedly. He reached the sliding glass doors, they’d begun to just open sensing his presence.
He reached out to the glass, lightly knocking on them with his knuckles. The glass thrummed as his knock spread. He hit it again, carelessly, a bit harder. The glass vibrated a little more, soundlessly.
He hit it harder, this time with a knuckled fist. The glass reverberated audibly, but no one cared. A smile broke out of the corner of his mouth, he hit harder, still loosely. The glass shuddered, this time audibly.
He caught his own reflection in the glass, the smile grew to a grin. He hit harder, coercing the glass to laugh harder.
The guard at the reception desk looked up, uninterested. He hit again, his arm flexed firmly. The glass and it’s adjacent pane now shuddered.
“Sir..”, the guard called out, a bit annoyed he had to get up, a bit confused at this.
He hit again harder, keeping his fist planted on the pane, feeling the vibrations.
“Sir!…” Again the guard called out, walking up to him.
He could see the grin, in the reflection. It seemed almost obscenely at the edge of laughter. And in the background he could see the guard walking up and the whole lobby looking toward him. He couldn’t read their faces, he supposed they were all painted surprised.
“TTOCKK!” Another jab, the sliding glass panel helplessly flailed as the back panel shuddered violently.
“Aye!! What are you doing!!” And edgy voice shouted out to him. He heard the guard’s footsteps breakout into a jog. He was close.
He looked at himself again, the grinning face, staring back at him through the glass. He swung back, winding up his torso, shifting his weight to throw his punch.
The guard broke into a run
Like a spring let loose, the fist hurtled toward the glass, toward the smiling face in the glass, although it wasn’t just smiling anymore, there were tears running down.
The fist landed with all the strength he could muster. Going up against all the stoic transparence of the glass.
A loud crack resounded in the lobby as the face in the glass pane covered itself in lines and broke, and fell.
The guard put an arm around his neck and pulled him backward, he almost resisted the pull, then accepted it.
The guard slammed him into the ground with a violence that belied the fact that the building wasn’t his, the glass wasn’t his. Perhaps it was the love of his job, his passion for protecting his domain from harm.
The guard shouted into his face. He couldn’t make out what was being said. The guard was blurry, and he was smiling.
He heard the familiar voices of the familiar faces near him. He couldn’t tell what they were saying either. He didn’t care, he was free.
He had punished the guy who had done this to him, ruined him. He had seen the smiling face of that vile excuse of a person being broken into a hundred pieces. He felt the pieces on his back, piercing into him. He didn’t care, he was free.

– Raziel ©2017

Ragdoll

So this is what it feels like
To have no say
To have no voice
To have no choice

Be what the masters need
Be what the masters see
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
What have I to say?
Everything from the clothes I wear
To the life I lead
Is by the masters’ say

I owe and owe and owe
A debtor by birth, I am
For what, I dare not ask
Only how much is left to pay

The only prayer left
I mumble within my soul
A wish to be all paid up
Before this life burns out

– Raziel ©2017

Chester

These tears are not for you
For you I’m happy
These tears are for my childhood
Those memories I’ve laid to rest

These tears are not for you
For you I’m happy
These tears are for what I’ve lost
Those dreams I’ve laid to rest

These tears are not for you
For you I’m happy
These tears are for what I’ll never have
Those hopes I’ve laid to rest

These tears are not for you
For you I’m happy, Chester
These tears are for me, and them
For whom the songs will never be the same

Cause though we’ve moved on
We know from where we came
Cause though the lyrics live on
The music will never be the same…

– Raziel ©2017