Memorial

I just want to cry,
For once like before,
Before adulthood stole
The carefree moments of yore

But the tears stay locked
Behind smiles, behind laughs
Expectations, judgements,
Furies, and guilt

Locked, smothered,
Submerged they stay
Just beneath the surface,
Bubbling away

A constant sorrow
An unwavering pain
Like an epitaph
On my loss’s graves

The last cruelty
Time has ordained
Is for me to live
As a memorial to myself

– Raziel ©2018

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Insecurities

Do you really need to know,
The things I try not to show?

The insecurities and fears I veil,
Scars and welts from my travails?

Of what use is this to you,
Am I a curio, an oddity to you?

Is your fascination fleeting,
Or a sign of the enduring?

Will your interest’s alluring,
Win over my foreboding?

Time will tell where this will lead,
Either resentment or hope will seed

I’ll take another chance with you,
But tell me, am I a curio, an oddity to you?

– Raziel ©2018

In response to Broken #inspiration

The thought

Once more at the brink, I teeter
With the thought, that’s plagued
Brave selfish souls, that went
Too soon, yet held on till late…

It must be fate, or something close
That can’t be shook, like a brand
On one’s soul, to be set apart
From the rest, for unrest…

Alive in moments, and
Riding out the rest, till
Once more at the brink, I teeter
With the thought…

– Raziel ©2018

Keeping faith

I can’t, I can’t,
I just can’t take this anymore
I’ve kept faith thus far
Now I beg, a glimpse of shore

You’re there, watching over
I know you are
All I want is one sign
And I’ll go back to war

I don’t see the grand scheme
Don’t know your plan
It’s not for my mortal mind
I’m too little a man

All I want are little things
A trinket now and then
A sign for me to know
I’m not alone then

– Raziel ©2018

Shadow

Wherever I go
Wherever I may be
I’m always wondering
Always wandering
Close to your shadow
Closer to your shadow
My dream

You’re never too far
Never too out of reach
Always on my mind
Always close to find
I’m in your shadow
Living in your shadow
My dream

Now you’ve gone too far
Farther than my reach
How will I find you
How do I find you
I’m just a shadow
I’m just a shadow
Of me

– Raziel ©2018

What’s left…

I remember how it felt,
To have a dream
Remember the warmth,
Remember the glee
The purpose and certainty
With which the dream filled me
Tomorrows were straightforward affairs
I marched on, nary a care
I laughed and I sang
Perhaps more than my share

I never saw, the shadows creep
Never saw the masks peel
I never felt the scythe reap
Till the pillars began to reel
Like tides do to castles of sand
Time’s wave took my grand plan
Life with its typical unjust
Reduced every pillar to dust
All that everyone could say
Was to move on and look away

Years have passed, marching steady
But I’m just not yet ready
Let it go,
Let it all go they say
And I’m left to wonder,
What’s left anyway…

– Raziel ©2018

Search for sanity

At the loneliest table, I try
To shore a little sanity
Just enough to last the day
To last till the sun dies away

To reach hearth once more,
And be cocooned at its core
To try and shrug off the weight
And to let its peace, me sate

Arm my heart, arm my soul
For the morrow’s charge and toll
When once more I’ll try and find
The lonely table for my mind

– Raziel ©2018

Mind’s Mirror

Where am I? What is this place?
What direction is the exit?
Who is this I face?
Is it me? It cannot be,
This isn’t how I remember me

All I see are wounds, still fresh as new,
As if someone’s just pulled a knife through
Why won’t they heal? It’s been years,
Have I been at them? Aren’t I through?
Why do I relive the pain? What’s turned me this vain?

Who is this man? A bundle of nerves,
I was never this afraid, nor unsure…
When did I change? How could I let?
Did I pick at the past so much,
I didn’t notice life slip?

How can one man resent so much?
How can I?
What’s gone is gone, move on,
Move on,
Move on…

– Raziel ©2018

Cutting loose

The more I think, the lesser I do
The more I dig my ditch
The more I do, the lesser I move
Ain’t that so very rich!

No one saw, and no one sees
As the past extends its reach
The present’s cloudy, future too
Ain’t this life a bitch!

Screw this, screw that and all
It’s time I take a knee
If you’re gonna play on as it is
It’s time you stop your preach!

Something has got to break
Something’s gotta give
If this is the way this shit works
It’s time to salt the leech!

– Raziel ©2018

Me

I’m not who I used to be
Not the person you once knew
The many things that made me, me
Have now turned into few

That which I loved before
I barely think of now
They’ve long passed into lore
Where the past is in stow

With each battle that I lose
I get more distant from myself
And less and less I fit my shoes
Get closer to an off the shelf

I’m every face, and none of them
I’m whoever they wish of me
I’ve lost my mooring, lost my keel
I’m driftwood out at sea

Every wave, and every ripple
Has a say in where I go
Pulled and pushed from every side
Till I know myself no more

– Raziel ©2018